In my past I went out with a guy for several years who constantly told me that I wasn’t good enough and that everything was my fault. He would explain to me how I could be different so that things could be better. Every argument, every misunderstanding was my fault. Any time we started to feel the huge lack in our relationship – he would blame me. I should be better. If only I was different, I would be able to recognize how great he was, how much he loved me and how our relationship would be perfect if I stopped being the way I was.
At this time I desired spiritual growth in my life. I wanted to grow and change, evolve. He told me that he was a spiritual guy and he proved it by hanging out at all the right places, with the right people and saying all the right things when we were in public spaces.
In our private spaces, he would rip me down. He constantly told me how much my body disappointed him. He told me how much my lack of spirituality disappointed him. He was very clear that I never did a good enough job understanding him. He held back love until I proved I was good enough to deserve it.
I stayed. I stayed because somewhere inside of me, I believed the things he said. I believed that I wasn’t enough. I believed that I didn’t deserve love ‘just because’.
Then, one day it changed for me. I realized that he didn’t even like me – and what was I doing wasting my time on someone who didn’t like me? I don’t know what brought this change about. Maybe it was just finally too painful to keep believing that I wasn’t enough. I decided that day that I would never give my heart and soul to anyone who didn’t cherish it. I walked away.
This was honestly one of the wisest choices I’ve ever made in my life. If this resonates with you, If you are in a relationship where someone does not value you, where they make you prove yourself to get their love, where they blame you instead of taking accountability for their own actions, I want you to know that you are enough.
You deserve love without having to change anything about you. You deserve love ‘just because’. You deserve to be honored, cherished, respected, heard and adored. I’ve recently come to see how short life is, and I urge you to not waste any more time with people who don’t support you in being you. The world needs your light, and you need those people around you who are going to feed your light.
I love you.
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
She has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured