#1 Letting the opinions of others control your life
You have the right to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else.
Homework: Make a list of all the things you want that you have not taken action on because: you feel they are “selfish”, you are afraid of what others think or how they will judge you, you feel like you “can’t because it will hurt of offend someone, you feel like you don’t have permission. Work with a coach to look at the limiting beliefs that are blocking you from getting what you really want. (I offer one-time coaching sessions or e-mail coaching sessions for specific strategy development at discounted prices (yeah, like, as low as 10 bucks!))
#2 The shame of past failures
Your past does not equal your future. All that matters is what you do right now.
Homework: Create a ritual for yourself. Write down all the things in your past that you haven’t yet been able to let go of or forgive yourself for. Make a conscious choice to let it go. Verbalize this choice by saying out load, “I choose to let go and forgive myself for_______.” Take the paper and burn it or rubber band it to a rock and throw it into the ocean. As the paper disappears, visualize your past failures disappearing. Do this as many times as you need to in order to let go of the layers of shame that have built up.
#3 Being indecisive about what you want
You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be. Make a decision to figure out what you want, and then pursue it passionately. Making the wrong choice is better then making no choice.
Homework: Set a timer for 5min. Sit in a comfortable place and allow yourself to daydream. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? When your 5min timer goes off, open your eyes and write down one goal in your life. Over the next week, research what steps you need to take to get where you want to go. The following week, take action on your first step. Don’t stop until you get what you want!
#4 Procrastinating on the goals that matter to you
There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them. The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.
Homework: Make a list of all of the things that you have been putting off. This could be anything from changing the light bulb in the garage to getting your degree. Organize your list into things that take 10-20 min to comeplere, things that take 1-3 hours to complete, things that take 1-3 days to complete, 1-4 weeks to complete, and long term. Get out your calendar and put one of the smaller tasks on each of the days. Make a plan for the longer term tasks. Ask for help. Delgate.
#5 Choosing to do nothing
“ Successful people aren't born that way. They become successful by establishing the habit of doing things unsuccessful people don't like to do. The successful people don't always like these things themselves; they just get on and do them.”
Homework: Stay aware! Next time there is a task or action that you don’t want to do, do it anyway. When you complete the task – celebrate – reward yourself for taking action and moving towards success.
#6 Your need to be right
Would you rather be right, or happy? Are you trapped playing the “I’m right, your wrong” game?
Homework: Practice being wrong. The next time that you are in a conversation or argument with another person – let them be right! This might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice you will realize that you have less frustration and angry, and more joy. You will discover that many of the positions that you spend energy “proving” that you were right on, are less important then you thought – and all that energy you spent holding on to your positions can now be used to create the life you want.
#7 Running from problems that should be fixed
The longer your run from your problems, the further you get from the solution
Homework: Stop! Get the support you need to conquer your problems. Relay on your self-care skills. It might be hard or painful to go through facing your problems – but on the other side is pure freedom!
#8 Making excuses rather then decisions
Most long-term failures are the outcome of people who make excuses instead of decisions.
Homework: Buy a small notebook to keep on you, in your purse or glove box.. and every time you find yourself making an excuse or blaming someone, “the system”, “they”, your genetics, your history, an institution, your community, write it down! Before you go to sleep at night, look over your notebook and take the time to see how you can take your power back, and stop using this excuse that has been limiting you. If your stuck – get a coach to help you.
#9 Overlooking the positive points in your life
What you see depends entirely on what you’re looking for. What if you woke up tomorrow and only had the things that you were grateful for today?
Homework: Buy a beautiful journal or scrapbook. Everyday note something that you are grateful for. To it for an entire year, and don’t repeat any of your entries. Take the time to tell people how much your appreciate them. Try to tell 3 people each week about how you are grateful for them. This could be your husband or the person bagging your groceries at the market.
#10 Not appreciating the present moment.
Normally, when we have a problem, it involves something that has already happened, whether two seconds or two decades ago, or something that we anticipate will happen in the future. We almost never have a problem in the present moment.
Homework: The next time you find yourself in fear, worry or some time of emotional pain, STOP! Take 5 deep breaths and release each breath as slow as you can. Realize that the past is gone and the future is only a story in your mind. Take note of the moment, focus on the beauty and wonder of the objects around you. Notice only what is actually happening in the moment.
Special Thanks to Covey and Millman who inspired this post!
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
Mindy has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
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