Do you think you are a failure? Well you are. Do you feel like you've failed at your life? Your relationships? School? Work? As a parent? Okay. And you are right, you have. I hope you failed big. I hope you failed with flair.
I am a failure. I've failed more times then I can count. Every person on this planet is a failure - there is no escaping it. Even the people you see as successful.. the people you envy.. yes. Them too. Even Bob who makes 350K a year with a beautiful wife and a great house. Yeah, he is a failure too.
My wish for you is that you can stand at the top of the mountain and scream to the world, "I am a failure!" with the same feeling inside of you as when you stand there and scream, "I am a success!". I hope that both of those sentences translate into the same thing for you: "I am alive, and living this wild, messy and precious life to its full extent." I hope you Go Big Until you Go Home.
“So you think that you're a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What's wrong with that? In the first place, if you've any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free.”
Are there failures and mistakes that are so horrific that you can't accept them, in yourself or others? Have you done something that causes so much shame that you don't even dare to admit it, look at it, confront it, or accept it?
This lack of acceptance, honesty or authenticity around failure is the piece that I find destructive. It is not the failure that destroys us, our relationships, our jobs.. it is the lack of standing side-by-side and holding hands with our failures that destroys us.
Years ago, my ex-husband told me about how when he was addicted to drugs he would do so many drugs while he had our small son in his care that he would have to leave him on my doorstep (sometimes in the middle of the night) because he couldn't care for him. I had always wondered why this happened, but could never get a straight or honest answer from him while it was occurring - In fact, he denied using drugs at the time. When he finally had the courage to explain why all those times he had just left our small child on my doorstep without a word... I didn't trust him less.. I trusted him MORE.
You see, honesty - even honesty about ugly things - builds trust. It shows character, courage, authenticity and acceptance. Ultimately, it is the only thing that can heal a relationship that has been severed by a mistake - or a failure. While we are still busy denying, making excuses, blaming others - or telling ourselves any story that allows our failure or mistakes to remain in the shadow... we are stealing valuable, precious, limited time to live our lives fully. Because to fully live means to be fully here.. all of us.. the whole person.. even our most shameful mistakes. When we embrace them we become whole again, and then - and only then- can we heal and go out into the world and live BIG, live fully-engaged, and feel the full extent of our joy.
If there is a mistake or failure that you can't seem to embrace, please schedule a fully-confidential free session. I'd love to talk to you about it, and explore how you can set yourself free.
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
She has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured