Are you able to look in the mirror and see what looks good and what doesn't go together?
Have you ever had a person come up to you on the street that didn't make your gut feel right and you walked away?
Were you able to know if your last lover was safe enough to trust with your heart and body?
My guess is that you answered "Yes" to all three of these questions. Are you glad that you were able to do these things? If so, appreciate yourself for your judgement. Judgement is a human facility that allows us (at it's base level) to stay alive. It also allows us to have preferences, needs, and to develop the unique expression of our humanity. Thank God for judgement!
Imagine that you always see me with a hammer. I walk around with it, I keep it in my belt and I use it on everything. If there is a nail to put into the wall, I use my hammer. If there is a screw to unscrew, I use my hammer. If there is precise cutting that need to be done, I use my hammer. As you probably can see, my hammer was only effective in one of these situations. However, because it wasn't effective in two of them, should I throw my hammer away?
As a being with consciousness, I have a toolbox. My toolbox is filled with mental/emotional tools, including judgement, anger, trust, joy, sorrow, grief, intolerance, gratitude, compassion, (and many more). Whenever I hear a human say,
"I'm non-judgemental", "I don't get angry", or "I always choose happiness."
I always get curious, very curious. I wonder,
"Why would this person choose to limit their humanness and handicap their consciousness?"
My journey (and one of the ways I journey with others as a Coach) is to investigate and refine my tools and to discover the best times, places, and situations in which to use each tool. I want to be a master of my toolbox. In this way, I have the ability to completely and fully participate in this human experience as well as being highly effective in creating the life and relationships I desire.
Let's go back to the tool of judgement, since that is where we started. We talked about some situations where using judgement is effective. Where is judgement not an effective tool? Spend just a moment with a memory of a time when judgement wasn't effective, and see if you can discover what tool would have been effective in that situation.
Judgement is like a running tape, it is actively doing it's job all the time. You are at choice for when you use it's abilities in your life. For example, if I am in a conversation with someone and my judgement thinks,
"Man, that was a stupid choice they made."
At this moment, as consciousness, I can look and see if this tool is effective. In this case, I look and say,
"Sorry, judgement, it's not within your capabilities to see all the depth of how this human came to this place, and why the made their decision. Your judgement is not helping me understand them better, or be closer to them. Thank you for your input, but it's not useful here."
Done. Then I choose a tool that will help me understand this person and bring me closer to them. One of my favorite tools for this is curiosity & wonder, another is appreciation and gratitude, and always helpful for understanding and connection is focus and presence.
Ask yourself, Do you want to get rid of some of the tools in your toolbox OR do you want to discover all the tools in your toolbox and learn how (and when) to use them?
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
Mindy has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured