Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. What kind of story are you going to write? Is it going to be a mystery, tragedy or comedy? Is it going to be filled with inspiration or satire? What will it reveal?
You don't have to make resolutions. You don't have to force yourself to be different that you are. There doesn't have to be difficulty, denial and a long to-do list to write a stellar book that you love.
Start with the outline of your book. Make it today. Keep it simple. What is going to be the theme of the story? What are the main character's (you) strengths and values? How will magic and purpose weave into the story? Get excited about the story you are writing.
"Tomorrow is the first blank
I am excited about all of my blank pages, and I am ready to fill them with one thing above everything else. I am going to fill them with the easiest thing in the world! LOVE. I am not talking about the subjective type of love where their are requirements. I am talking about the type of love the springs forth from every soul without effort. There is nothing for me to do, no 'resolutions', just simply opening the gates to this ever-present, always-abundant pulse of life that is love itself. The lead female role in my book is going to be starring someone who is positive, decisive, and mindful. The supporting roles will be filled by happy people who live with purpose and passion. My book for 2014 will be an inspiring story that is naturally comedic. It will be a story you can't put down & one that will be high-impact and life-changing to all it touches.
What will you write in 2014? Are you ready to create a story that you love reading?
The great news is that you can jump genre's. If you've been writing a tragedy with yourself starring as the lead victim - tomorrow is a new day - and an entirely new story. Write something you are going to love!
Imagine this: Hold out your hand, palm up and imagine a ball of abundance resting in it. Imagine the ball growing. Imagine that it is big enough that you have to rest in in both hands. Imagine it keeps growing, and that it is resting in your lap with your arms around it. Now, pause for one moment and really viscerally experience what it is like to hold this huge ball of abundance.
Now, Imagine this ball growing even bigger, pressing against your chest and face... and then suddenly, pop, you are inside of it. It is all around you. You are a part of it. Now, pause again, and feel this experience.
How is it different? In which experience was there more exclusion? In which experience was the more inclusion? How are you living? Are you separate from abundance? Are you waiting for it to come to you? - OR - is it a part of you? Are you one with it?
When I was kid, the message was clear: Vulnerability meant certain death. Well, maybe my conscious brain didn't have those literal words, but my body certainly knew that truth. You see, there are two ways to know something. You can understand it in your mind, and you can 'get' it in your body. These two experiences are so vastly different that I have chosen to say that a mind 'knowing' is really only a understanding, and the truth is, I can't say that "I know" something until my body 'gets' it and I am living it. For example, I understand that living a balanced life is optimal for health, happiness & creation power. I don't know it. You know how I know I don't know it? Because I don't see the results of that knowing (of that belief system) in my life. This discrepancy of "knowing" is the biggest block that I see to achieving goals (in myself and my clients). When I think I 'already know', then my cup is full, and there is no room for anything new. Change is not possible.
I challenge you to take stock of your life. Look at the the results in your life - and find out what you really know vs what you think you know.
I just took inventory of my life and realized that there was a discrepancy between what I thought I knew and what I really know around vulnerability. I 'understand' that vulnerability is a building block for close relationships. However, when I really look at my life, I don't know this. For the most part my body is still living a belief system from my childhood that sounds something like this, "If I am perfect (without flaw) then I will have love from others." Even when I say this, my mind tells me I am silly and that of course this isn't true. I could even list data to back up how much I understand this. However, when I invite deep honesty to come in and transform my life, I see that all of my thoughts are just that: thoughts. Here is the thing about thoughts, some are true, many are not true, some seem logical, many are convincing, and some are flat out bizarre. They are not ME. So, who am I really, and what tools do I have to help my body learn a new truth? How do I know something new?
I want to move my understanding or vulnerability to a knowing of vulnerability. So, first I am going to be okay with feeling uncomfortable. I am going to accept that I must go outside of my comfort zone to 'get' something new. I am going to remind myself that have traveled outside my comfort zone before and It has only brought me goodness. Sitting in discomfort is a powerful part of the process of change. Just resting here and allowing my conscious presence, my "inner sage" to witness and BE with my current experience is beyond powerful. Then, I am going to allow this presence, this meditation, to lead me to my action step. As I move past fear, and take action in a new way, my body begins to learn a new truth.
What do you want for 2014? Is closer relationship & more self-acceptance part of it? What 'tools' are you using to get the results you desire?
As you steal another Holiday cookie or dish up a second helping of dinner, in the back of your mind you might be thinking, "Ah, this will all change next year. No need to worry, THIS time I am going to loose weight and get fit. 2014 is going to be my year of fitness." It won't be and you won't. Why? Because you don't know how.
Now, I am not talking about eating right and exercising, most of us know how to do that. I am talking about the deeper stuff - how do I CHOOSE to eat right and exercise? Change doesn't happen from the outside in, in happens from the inside out. That is why most people are so ineffective in their weight loss goals, they go gun-ho with the outer stuff, and then bam! It's over and they are back to routine as usual. Now, if the authentic 'seed' of change was planted in their innermost being - you know what would happen? Change would occur almost effortlessly in the outer world/outer body. Results would appear quickly and surprisingly.
So, now you want to goods, right? How do I plant this authentic seed of change and get my fit life effortlessly? Well, each person is unique, just like a combination lock, right 34, left 16, right 20.. So I can't give you your exact combination, but I can give you a few hints to unlocking your own combination. First, I've got to tell you something about these hints: They are not for the faint of heart. You might have a strong reaction to them. Good. Positive or Negative, that means they touched you at a core level.
#0. Ignorance can kill you.
Please note that I am making an assumption about you (yes, you - the reader). That assumption is that you understand the basics of fitness and nutrition. You know that eating fresh veggies and dark leafy greens are good for you, You know that heart health requires you to be active every single day. You understand that sugar can kill you, and that healthy fats are essential. You get that over half the food in the grocery store isn't food, and you are aware that 'fast food' is never helpful to your body. If you don't know the basics, please educate yourself (and then finishing reading this blog). I've provided links in the text to get you started.
Now, for my three hints to get you thinking about your unique combination & innermost authentic seed of change:
#1. Your level of 'fit lifestyle' is a direct reflection of your love of life. point blank.
#2. You level of 'fit lifestyle' is a direct reflection of your love of self. period
#3. Your ideas about 'skinny' and 'healthy' and the 'number on the scale' are choking you. Dump them.
Let me explain.
#1. Your level of 'fit lifestyle' is a direct reflection of your love of life. Guess what? You only get one body for this lifetime. That is right, you can't trade it in or upgrade. Oh, and here is another thing - when your body is done, so are you in life as we know it. Let me ask you this, if I had a pill that you could take that would make you age gracefully and live longer - would you take it? If the answer is no, then you know why you haven't yet chosen a fit lifestyle, and your exploration begins here. If you said yes, then your exploration begins here to explore your unique belief systems are getting in the way of you 'taking the pill'. Because you know what the 'pill' is (eating right and exercising), so what is getting in the way of you doing it? There is not such thing as a tiny act. Every single choice you make is bringing your closer to increased life or closer death.
#2. Your level of 'fit lifestyle' is a direct reflection of your love of self. Would you feed a baby sugar water, soda, cookies? Of course not. Do you let a child sit all day every day on the couch watching TV? No. Why, because you love them. When you cultivate a deep love for yourself, you make healthy choices about your food and how you spend your time. In fact, you can't do anything BUT that. Your love drives you to healthy choices, without any conscious thought from you. There is a nasty perception floating around our culture that sounds something like this: "If I hate myself enough, if I am disgusted with myself enough, I will change." THIS IS A LIE. Don't believe it. It is, in fact, the exact opposite that will create natural change. If you LOVE yourself, then you will change. (Yes, I know it feels counter intuitive, but it's true.)
#3. Your ideas about what it means to be fit are choking you. A fit lifestyle looks different for every single person. A fit body looks different for every single person. I know 'skinny' people who are not fit, and 'chubby' people who are fit. The only way that you will know what your fit lifestyle looks like is to live it - and it might change. So, stop trying to fit into the "right" size, or see the "right" number on the scale - and just love yourself and your life.
Please note: Your definition of love might need to be examined to be successful. For example, love is NOT giving yourself everything you think that you want. That is called 'ego slave'.
How am I going to use these hints to dig deeper inside of myself and invite more of a fit lifestyle into my life?
I am going to examine my belief that spending most of my time working makes me a valuable, successful person because that is what often gets in the way of me spending time exercising. I am going to create a self-love ritual for every morning when I wake up. I am going to toss my scale, and focus on how I can increase my running distance, my rep range and the number on the barbell (instead of the scale).
Cheers to the 2014 that YOU CREATE - whatever that looks like. You are not a victim to life - whatever happens will be a direct result of what you create. So, go get 'em, tiger!
I am a life coach. Because of this often people think I have all the answers to life, or that I know more then they do. I don’t.
Or sometimes it’s the opposite, people say (or think) things like, “Who is she to think she can talk about life?” … maybe tagging it along with, “She’s too young, uneducated, inexperienced, pretty, too silly, too lighthearted, to messed up, too slow, or too fast”. Whatever judgments they give to make reason of their position. Sometimes the press even picks it up, as it did in 2012 when I was mentioned in the New York Times article, “Should a Life Coach Have a Life First?”. I’ve been glorified and demonized, and neither one is true.
Here is the thing: I don’t know more then you. I’m not better at living life then you are. I’m not ‘special’ anymore then you are special. My life is filled with joy and pain. I learn lessons, I go through sorrow. I beat myself up sometimes. I celebrate myself. My life is messy, and that is okay. I have great ideas and I have horrible ones. I succeed and I fail.
Here is what I have learned: I used to want to 'get it all right', finally be 'perfect', and also wanted to be connected to everyone and have deep, meaningful relationships. Then, I saw that having both these things was impossible. Every person has a modus operandi, a way that they behave under pressure or when they are trying to protect themselves. Mine has always been aloofness, snobbery, being an elitist. To my subconscious (and my ego) this protected me from being hurt. Then my heart saw a bigger picture – that this very action was keeping me from being connected to others (and ultimately, from my own greatness).
You see, what is really neat is that we are all sharing this human experience, and it’s not meant to be perfect. If I was ‘perfect’, if I got it all right and knew all the answers, I would cease to be an effective Life Coach. It is because of my connectedness, my ‘sameness’ in others that I can shine in my profession.
The big T truth is that I have unlimited wisdom inside of me & that I was born to be brilliant, talented, gorgeous and fabulous. And guess what? So were you. We are the same. We are connected. We are one. We were both made to manifest the beauty and richness of Life itself. Because I know this in me, I can know it in you.
Much like a journalist has learned to ask the right questions at the right time, and learned to follow his hunch to a lead on a story – I have been trained to ask the right questions and the right time and follow my hunch on a lead to assist a client to unlock their greatness. And, ya know what? My Life Coach does it for me, too! Yes, that is right, I have a life coach. Why? Because even if I have all of the right questions, or the best tools, I can’t get out of my own head. Only another person can help me do that. To me, that is the coolest thing about being a human on this planet; I need others to thrive. In fact, I need them to survive. I am human because I belong . I am because we are.
I was inspired to write this post after struggling over the past few months with my own hurt feelings, listlessness, and stagnation. I wanted to hide those experiences from others, and hold up some standard of perfection, of ‘doing it right’ for my community. It took me awhile to remember that what really makes me beautiful, what really makes me effective at my work and in my relationships, what makes me who I am, is: my humanness.
Being ‘perfect’ (or attempting to show up that way) isn’t a great credential. In fact, it stinks. Being honest, vulnerable, and embracing every experience of life – the good and the bad – that is something to ‘write home about’. That is a credential that I want to stamp on my soul.
I am flawed, wonderfully flawed. My life is messy. My lessons come in all shapes and sizes. And ya’ know what? It’s f*ckin’ awesome.
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
Mindy has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured