1. Be Authentically You, As Only You Can Be.
Authenticity is attractive. Think about a time when you witnessed someone shining their light and expressing themselves fully without moderation. It was attractive, right? When people live from their core, and fully express themselves, it is intoxicating. It is magnetic. Living your full authentic expression is guaranteed to increase your sex life. The hurdle is that many of us don't know who we really are at our core, when we are not trying to get things done or please other people. Some times living your authentic self takes a bit of exploration and discovery. It's worth it. Not only will it increase your sex life, but it will also increase the joy and sense of contentment in your life.
2. Laugh More
You've heard the saying, 'Laughter is the best medicine', right? Well it's true; and it's good medicine for your sex life as well. Partners that laugh together, play together and goof off together experience a higher level of intimacy and desire for each other. It's easy to look for ways to add laughter into your life. My favorite challenge is to mix a dash of laughter into my life whenever I feel triggered or defensive. Not cynical, forced, sarcastic laughter - but real 'from the belly' laughter. In order to do this, you are required to learn not to take yourself (and life) so damn seriously. It's a powerful way to transform yourself, and your relationships.
3. Increase Your Sensuality
What is sensuality? From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition is: relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses. Increasing your sensuality doesn't happen only in the bedroom - it happens in your life. Many of us become shut down to our senses as we rush through life. Today, feel the wind on your face, spend time with how delicious and rich your coffee is, delight in the feel of water on your skin in the shower, marvel at the sensation of fabric against your skin, indulge in the softness of your bed when you lie down at night. Open up your sensuality - and yes, it will lead to opening your sexuality.
4. Be Open & Vulnerable
Let's face it, sex with someone who is closed off is just not that much fun. Being vulnerable with our mates is just about the bravest thing that we can do. Creating a culture of vulnerability in a marriage is pure magic. When we open ourselves up mentally and emotionally to someone without barriers, we build the foundation of amazing sex. This is the entire premiss of Tantric Sex, a powerful practice of deeply connecting to your partner. Vulnerability is a choice, and when chosen, it exists inside and outside of your bedroom. In my opinion, learning to be open and vulnerable with your partner is one of the most powerful ways to keep your sex life active.
5. Increase Your 'Vital Balance'
When we become unbalanced in our lives we have no time or energy for sex. I've discovered what I call 'Vital Balance' for myself, which is a specific 'recipe' of what I need in various doses to feel vital in my life. Do your know your 'vital balance' recipe? Once you discover and live that recipe, you will notice that your sex life increases naturally as you create the space, time and energy for it to thrive in your relationship.
6. (Bonus!) Be Selfish
I love being selfish. I think being selfish has gotten a bad rep, when really it is one of the most powerful positions to be in. When I am selfish (definition: when I know my needs and I get them met), I become a cup overflowing with energy, vitality, gratitude and generosity. Most of us think that we are 'good' people if we put ourselves very last - after we meet the needs of everybody else. This is the biggest limiting belief we can hold. The big 'T' truth is that when we put ourselves first, this allows us to be of service to others. When we give ourselves permission in the bedroom to be selfish, sex goes from good to great. When we give ourselves permission in our lives to be selfish, life transforms from duty to delight.
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
Mindy has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured