I’ve been through three major traumas in my life (my mother abandoning me as a child, breaking away from my domestic violence marriage, and a head on car collision where I nearly died). In the aftermath of each trauma, I was left with the same question: Who am I, Now? All month I’ve struggled to find my new “normal”, and it still eludes me physically, mentally and emotionally.
I find myself constantly thinking that I can physically do more then I actually can. I find myself constantly thinking I can emotionally or mentally handle more then I actually can. I am misaligned. My soul, body, core, thoughts, feelings, all the pieces of me are no longer aligned. They are no longer in harmony. The result of this is a feeling of being scattered, a feeling of being unsafe and unstable. It also means that I have less intentional creation-power in my life, which leaves me feeling out-of-control.
However, it is even more than this misalignment. It is a new me that I don’t know. Who am I, NOW? When we (as humans) experience trauma, we transform. Yeah, it’s not always pretty, it’s not always what we want, and it is rarely painless. However, IT IS.
Getting to know this new person is a multifaceted process. First, there is the grief process. This is when you say goodbye to the person that you were before the trauma. Next, there is the courting process of the new you. This can be scary and exciting. This stage of the process is full of curiosity and discovery. Then, there is the integration process. This process is where you fit all the old and new pieces together and they begin to work in harmony. Then there is the strengthening process. This is where you build a vast understanding of who you are, what you need to feel alive and thriving, and what your mission of contribution is in the world. Lastly, there is the show-off process. This is when you get to show off how your trauma strengthened you and made you into a work of art.
These processes can overlap, and they take TIME. Lots and lots of time. I am choosing to remember that life is about discovery. It is about getting to know myself better, and therefore understanding how to connect to the world more. So, in essence, I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing and I can stop 'shoulding' on myself.
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
She has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured