While I was getting scar massage a few days ago, I was talking to my physical therapist, and she said, “In the world we live in that is defined by change and evolution, that is often in a stage of chaos by nature, why do we expect not to encounter tragedy/trauma in our lives?” I found this to be a very interesting idea, and I went home and sat in silence with it for a while. What did I believe? That a human should go through life without encountering trauma, and it was surprising and shocking when they did? Or, did I believe that trauma was part and par for the course of being human and should be expected? Or, was there an in-between to those two ideas?
One of the things I encounter with unending fascination is the belief systems of individuals and how those beliefs impact their existence. I know for a fact that what you believe shapes the world you live in and how you experience it. For example, if you think that it takes hard work to make money, it will take hard work. If you think that money can be made easily, you’ll make easily. If you believe relationships are hard work, you’ll attract a relationship that is hard work. If you think relationships are easy and fun, you will find yourself in one that is easy and fun. If you don’t believe me, do a little test in your life that will allow you to see a little ‘peek’ at how what you focus on and believe in changes what you see and experience. Think about yellow jeeps. Put a picture of a yellow jeep or a post it that says “yellow jeep” on your bathroom mirror so you think about it day and night. Guess what you’ll start seeing in your life? Yellow jeeps. I am a huge fan of doing practical experiments in your life, like this one described above. For more information on trying on new belief systems, visit this blog.
If I believe trauma is expected, how would this effect my perception of the world, how I experience it, and what I am attracting? I spoke with a trauma specialist about this, and he informed me that 200 years ago most people lost a child – or several children. It was the way of the world. Now days (in modern America) is very rare for someone to loose a child. Research shows that the trauma recovery is more now than it was when the situation was more commonplace. This would lead me to believe that expecting – or accepting – trauma as part of life would be in my best interest.
As I sat in meditation with this idea even longer, another question arose. “What if instead of focusing on avoiding trauma, I focused on my amazing resiliency?”
This question felt good in my body, and I knew it would open the next door to my healing.
Then, I remembered a belief system that I used to have in regards to risking emotional trauma. I used to believe something like, “If this person leaves me or stops loving me, I won’t survive. I have to avoid this break-up at all costs.” Then I changed my belief system to something more like, “I love this person, and if they leave me it will hurt, but I am okay with that and I know I can survive that pain and the subsequent rebuilding of myself.” It was only after I changed that belief system that I was able to attract true love – a relationship that wasn’t there to cover up my fears but was there to enhance my life and my being. It was a HUGE difference.
So, it wasn’t about expecting pain or trauma, it was about being okay with pain or trauma. It was about my expansion of self, and release of the good/bad judgement game. It sounds so big. Can I KNOW THAT I AM OKAY even in the mist of physical pain? Or in the throes of emotional pain? In the face of extreme loss? Is it possible to trust and believe in myself this much?
To be continued…..
Mindy Amita Aisling
ICF Life Coach,
NFPT Fitness Trainer,
OMA Certified Mediator
Mindy Aisling is a certified life and business coach in Bend, OR, exceeding all of the educational requirements & training set forth by the ICF.
She has worked with such organizations as St. Charles Hospital, Soroptimists, The Dispute Resolution Center, Olympic Medical Center, Americorps, and Juvenile and Family Services.
Mindy has been featured in the New York Times, The Seattle Times, The Bend Bulletin, The Peninsula Daily News, KOMO 4 TV, The Oregonian and many more. You can learn more about Mindy here.
Mindy offers professional, affordable online coaching to clients around the world, and local coaching to clients in Bend, Oregon.
Licensed and Insured